Brad and I went to my OB appointment this morning where I got another ultrasound that confirmed that we are definitely having a girl! We left Peyton behind with a fabulous babysitter and when I returned two hours later, Peyton was sound asleep. I thanked the babysitter and decided to go lay down and close my eyes for a few minutes during this rare moment of peace and quiet. About an hour later, I woke up and saw that Peyton was awake too, playing in her crib. I wasn't ready to throw myself out of bed yet and Peyton was content playing so I stayed in bed for a few more minutes. I heard Peyton squealing, laughing, and having a great time. I should have known then that she was up to no good. Finally a few minutes later, I decided to get up and get Peyton out of the crib so we could get ready to head over to my mom's to help babysit my nieces. I walked down the hallway and was suddenly overcome with an unpleasant smell. I thought to myself, "Peyton has a poopy diaper, poor thing, and I left her in there." I walked into the room and was immediately concerned. The smell was horrendous. Peyton was naked. Her hair was sticking straight up like Cameron Diaz in 'Something about Mary.' And she was suddenly a few shades darker as if she had been napping in the tanning bed.
She was covered in poop.
That's right. She took off her clothes, took off her diaper, pooped in the bed, and decided to decorate the crib for me. Oh, and to use it as body art as well. Let's just say Peyton is a fabulous artist. I was so horrified I screamed. Poor Peyton was so startled and started boo hooing. I picked her up unable to hug her since she was coated in poop, ran to my bathroom, and threw her in the bath tub. She absolutely loves bath time, so she began squealing in delight completely unaware and without a care in the world that the water was now turning brown as well.
After using several bottles of shampoo and soap, Peyton finally emerged from the tub with her original skin color. I gave her a lecture about what diapers are for and pointed out other ways she can show her love for me, but I have a strong suspicion that it went in one ear and out the other. Completely oblivious to my exhaustion and anger about having to wash poop out of places it's not supposed to be, Peyton decided to inform me it was movie time. She parked her naked self on my ottoman and looked at me expectedly as if saying "Come on lady, I don't have all day. Start my movie." Completely flabergasted, I yanked a diaper out and shoved it on her while simultaneously contemplating pulling out the duct tape as well, then turned on her movie as I went to clean up her art project.
30 minutes later and satisfied that her room reeked of bleach and all the sheets and blankets were now in the washing machine that was set to the sanitary cycle, I grabbed her and off to Mimi's we went. What a crappy afternoon indeed!